i am the one thing in life i can control
by Nikolai Argyris
Summary: "When a spy is at a crossroads, if their partner's face comes to mind first, it's time for them to retire." That's a famous saying among spies. When he slid that ring on Viktor's finger, being fully aware of the implications of putting it in the right hand, the thought of retirement crossed his mind. Or, alternatively, in a world where Yuuri's a spy. (a short drabble)
1. Chapter 1

Had someone told him that he would end up becoming a spy years ago, he would've laughed at their faces.

It was baffling- no, impossible even, for someone like him to become a _spy_.

A spy of all things.

'The stuff of movies- and even legends', it was ridiculous.

After all, why would a mere figure skater- with no military background, become a spy?

Spies operated in the shadows. That certainly doesn't fit his civilian occupation.

A figure skater lives his life scrutinized by people, constantly in the spotlight- what with international competitions and all.

A spy lives whilst shrouded in darkness and mystery. Never revealing who they are to those around them.

If he were any more dramatic than usual, he would call it the two sides of the same coin. Light and dark. A civilian who lives in the 'surface' and a spy who lives in the 'underworld'.

There were only a few secrets that he kept close to his heart- him being a spy was one of them. And rightly so. Normal people, plebeians have no business in the darker side of things.

Besides, it's not as if anyone would suspect him to be one. No one would expect gentle and meek Yuuri Katsuki to be a spy.

Precisely the reason why his civilian side is almost the complete opposite to his spy persona.

Confident and a bit of a Machiavellian, coquettish- should the situation call for it.

He made it so as to avoid suspicion. Not to say that his civilian personality is a lie, he'd just emphasized a few characteristics.

He'd long since learned to separate his spy persona with his civilian one.

Time and time again, he would be tempted by the notion of revealing it to the people around him.

He yearned to talk and confide on someone who wasn't part of his _world._ But deep down, in his subconscious, he knows that that was simply unattainable. Should he reveal to a mere civilian his identity, the results would be disastrous. If an enemy got a hold of such information, the civilian wouldn't be able to protect themselves.

When he'd first entered, he had foolishly thought that it would be temporary. That he would be able to return to his civilian life soon after. Years before, he would say that it was merely by chance.

 _How naive and foolish,_ the black haired man thinks to himself.

He knows better now.

They saw the potential in him and knew that his career and talent in ballet and figure skating would give him a solid cover to leave the country and travel to other countries as well- due to competitions and such. It gave him a reason to avoid suspicion as he could continue to be fit as he was an athlete.

He was approached, alone and was unknowingly tested. To see if he truly had the capability to improve and fit the mold. Coincidentally, he'd been at a loss on whether to continue skating as it had put quite a strain on his family's finances at the time.

 _Coincidentally,_ he barks out a laugh at this, there was no such thing in the agency.

He'd been young and vulnerable at the time. Blind to the real intentions behind the dazzling offers they had given him.

He grits his teeth slightly, he was a fool.

During the first few years of being a spy, he'd enjoyed- no lived, for the thrill that it brought. The sense of pride over being recognized and becoming one of the agency's prized agents.

The prospect of completing a mission without any casualties was extremely appealing. To be seen as the one to surpass by the new recruits and treated as an equal by those older than him, it was addicting. The thrill, the rush, the chase- it was all so enticing.

He should've known.

The moment he stepped into the _den,_ he would never be able to get out.

* * *

 _Money, honor, patriotism.._ _Even death is fiction._ _The only thing that lies in your futures is that empty solitude. And the only thing you'll have to support you there is your ability to constantly adapt to any situation, and instantly decide the best course of action._

It reflected in his actions. Acts that were subtle enough that they go unnoticed to an untrained eye.

When his eyes would immediately look for possible exits when he entering a room.

When he started to leave the daggers hidden in his clothes out of missions.

When he started to bring his handgun with him while playing his civilian persona.

It was terrifying, so to speak.

To realize that the part of you that was heartless and unflappable spy had slowly bled into your normal life.

Most would call it an identity crisis.

This didn't go unperceived by his superior.

And so he was taught how to control it. To separate both personas. To be able to become another person in a blink of an eye.

As much as he wanted to refuse, he knew that he needed to be able to learn this skill. And so he focused on doing so. Until his control and say over his civilian life was seized from his hands.

Although most would call him lucky. To be able to continue the life and live- _partially,_ as the person he was originally born as.

But he would call it a curse.

While he was mildly grateful for being graced with this so called _mercy-_ according to outsiders at least, it was harder to live as who you're supposed to be.

At times, the lines would blur.

The line that separated Yuuri Katsuki, the quiet figure skater and Yuuri Katsuki, the elite spy.

While he'd learned to separate both, there were times that both of said personas would blend into each other and would leave him with thoughts of,

 _Just who was he?_ The anxiety ridden skater or the imperturbably spy?

He doesn't even know if his anxiety was real, oh it definitely felt real but was it just an act? Was he just turning it into a severe sort of anxiety?

And his interests, his passion for skating, was it all real?

Once upon a time, he would vehemently defend it and claim that it was. That it was real.

But now.

Now, he doesn't know anymore.

And day by day, the number of skeletons in his closet multiplied. He learned to lie efficiently, to make up an alibi in milliseconds. To wear masks and switch facades quickly.

* * *

 _Once a spy is suspected, he's finished._

Word by word, sentence by sentence, he started to weave an even more intricate web of lies around the truth. Subtly manipulating those who came too close.

Once the opportunity presented itself, an offer to study under a coach in Detroit. Only after a year of becoming a spy, he was ordered to leave for the US at once. The more information gathered, the more advantages it leaves for their cause.

And he met Phichit and Celestino. For a while, he was able to live attain sort of a sense of normalcy in his life.

Spending days exploring Detroit and walking in the streets, hunting for interesting shops and so.

Training with his rink mates and being able to rely on a coach.

It was peaceful. Very much so.

A complete turn from the dangers that was his life before.

But nothing ever lasts.

After two years of living in Detroit, a situation grave enough ripped the illusion that he could live a normal life away from him.

He approached Celestino, all the while claiming that there was a family emergency that he must attend to as soon as possible. Naturally, he was given the permission to do so.

After taking care of the problem, he had to extend his 'leave' for a month more as he couldn't exactly turn up back to Detroit whilst sporting an injury that no civilian should have.

This, he knew, planted some suspicions in Phichit but he was quick to remove said suspicions.

It was at this point in his life that he had realized that for all of the dislike he expressed towards being a spy, he can't live without being one.

The habits he had acquired, the beliefs that he had gotten, were so deeply ingrained in his personality that it was impossible to imagine him without it.

When he'd learned that the lieutenant colonel had tried to suppress the situation so he wouldn't need to be called, he felt- ashamed of his actions.

He returned to Detroit soon after.

* * *

 _Chess is a simple game,_

 _but it's that very simplicity that makes the players' personalities come out._

Being one of the agency's spies can be likened to playing chess.

You fool your opponent, make it seem as though they have they're holding all the cards. Learn their mannerisms, nature and attitude as you dance around each other, waiting to strike. And once you've exploited and gathered all that you need, the intentional feints and fake signals fall to reveal your true intentions.

As a few more years passed by, there hasn't been any pressing situations like the last one. He continued to live as a figure skater, training and competing.

To others, the part of him that was seen as a civilian was haunted by panic attacks and the part of him that wasn't a civilian was quite confident- but not arrogant, in his abilities.

At times, he felt like those two sides were two different people.

That thought was proven because of Sochi.

Yuuri Katsuki the spy would've never broken down and let anxiety get the better of him. And so his civilian persona had taken over, so to speak, during his days in Sochi.

After placing sixth place in the Grand Prix Final, to keep character, he requested to be transferred back to Japan- an excuse to see visit his family once again and to take a break from skating as the constant clashing of both personalities was quite tiring.

Until Viktor Nikiforov entered the picture.

While he had considered the possibility- considering his actions during the banquet as the lieutenant colonel had informed him, it was a tad bit surprising. Certainly not unwelcome however.

Their professional relationship as coach and student was smoothly sailing until Viktor had asked him what he wanted him to be to him.

And he doesn't know what came over him when he had said that he wanted him to just be Viktor but perhaps, he had sensed a kindred spirit in the man.

The months passed by quickly as he surprisingly found himself basking under the companionship Viktor provided. From the Onsen on Ice competition against Yurio until the Cup of China.

It took him by surprise- something that he doesn't experience often but he welcomed it.

 _"When a spy is at a crossroads, if their partner's face comes to mind first,_

 _it's time for them to retire." That's a famous saying among spies._

When he slid that ring on Viktor's finger, being fully aware of the implications of putting it in the right hand, the thought of retirement crossed his mind.

While he knew that he would, someday, he always assumed that he would retire- not on his own volition but because of someone's hand.

He brings up the notion of retiring on one of his personal reports to the lieutenant colonel, knowing that the man already knew about his decision. He agreed and told that he must merely finish this one mission before he can leave the agency.

That one last mission was to find the other spy who was lurking and messing with the agency's 'territory'- not completely referring to a place however.

After the GPF in Barcelona, he insisted on staying in Detroit for a little while before leaving for St. Petersburg.

And he was looking forward to it.

A future with Viktor, no longer watching his back and having to lie to avoid suspicion if he needs to leave for a mission- he can hardly wait.

And so he spends the days working non-stop, trying to track the other spy's steps.

After eliminating the other dozen suspects from their list, there were only a few left who can be the spy.

His head is bent over a pile of document when he hears his phone ring.

 _"Yuuri!"_

The moment he hears his fiance's voice, the tension on his shoulders loosen.

This was the reason he has to find the aforementioned spy.

So that he would be able to live the rest of his life with Viktor. To finally retire from the life of a spy.

And while he would certainly miss the thrill it had brought, for his fiance, he's willing to let that go.

Viktor then informs him that he'll be getting on his flight back to Russia in a few minutes.

They both decided that while he stays in Detroit for a few more days, Viktor would have to return to Russia first to take care of all that he needs to regarding his return to skating and he will follow suit- after completing this one last mission.

His fiance attempts to convince him to just come to Russia now and he laughs, he can practically see the pout that would undoubtedly accompany Viktor's words as he said them.

Soon Viktor has to end the call as he has to board the plane and he bids him goodbye.

His phone rings again a moment later.

They've finally narrowed it down to one suspect and said spy was seen nearby.

He immediately stands up and runs.

Yuuri's mind blanks when he finally gets a clear view on the spy and his hand almost loosens its grip on his gun.

His fiance.

He stares at the gun that Viktor- Viktor h _is fiance,_ was pointing at him.

He sees Viktor's finger twitch and he presses his own finger on the trigger, both of their guns aimed at each other.

 _Killing is the greatest mistake you can make._

A single gunshot echoes across the clearing.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note:**_

 _Extremely short but I hope you guys enjoy it nonetheless~!_

 _-For anyone who's interested, I have a poll in my profile (about what AU I should do next)~_

* * *

The bullet whizzes past Victor's face, a few inches away and hits its target- a grunt can be heard from the man behind and the man- no, the body falls to the ground with a thud.

"Impeccable acting as always, _Yuuri."_

Said man harrumphs at this, "You've always had a flair for the theatrics, _Viktor."_

The black haired man leans on the wall, poised, pretending to inspect his fingernails, "What a shame that this will be our last mission, imagine the chaos we would've left in our wake had we gone on missions years ago."

Viktor snorts at this, "Well had I known that you were one of _their_ agents before I rushed to Hasetsu, I would've requested a partnership."

Yuuri raises an eyebrow in return, "To think that I realized that you were an agent before you even suspected me."

"Imagine my surprise when Yuuri Katsuki, _supposedly_ a civilian," Viktor stops at this and both he and Yuuri throw an amused smile at each other, "-started to send out signals and codes that only a spy would know."

"Speaking of signals, I particularly liked that little trick you sent." Viktor says and nods to this.

Yuuri gives out a small but definitely smug smirk, "Clever, wasn't it," It was phased more as a statement rather than a question.

* * *

Viktor does a small excited twirl and proceeds to chatter on enthusiastically, "Yurio- look, look- Yuuri left me a note~" And for propriety's sake, he sings out the last few words.

An exasperated sound can be heard from Yurio and the teenager then storms away in a huff, finally fed up with his antics for the day.

Viktor's eyes then land on the bottom right side of the note, where two strokes of ink from the pen laid on.

To most it would look like the writer had tested the ink of the pen and it just happened to look like two crosses.

But not to him.

Two crosses.

Two letter t's.

Paired with his and Yuuri's conversation awhile ago, it was a message.

 _Viktor then mutters a sentence in Russian and Yuuri tells him, "English please."_

 _And grasps his hand, tapping out a message in Morse code._

 _Viktor internally smirks, already looking forward to what his Yuuri has planned._

The reminder- to the rest of the world at least, 'English please' and the two crosses.

'Double-crossed'.

Viktor grins at this, his Yuuri has confirmed it for him.

This last joint mission that their respective agencies had given them was to observe an agent from his agency who was suspected to be a double agent and was also suspiciously lurking around Yuuri's agency's 'territory'.

Time for the _Final Act_ to come to a close then.

* * *

Viktor brings down his phone and checks his watch.

Just a couple minutes more and Yuuri would arrive.

The spy- no, the double agent, the _traitor,_ had sent him a message, telling him to come here and meet his enemy.

And he definitely tried to keep down the laugh that bubbled at the edge when he received said message.

 _What a fool. What a fool, indeed._

The traitor's plan was so transparent, it was laughable.

The man knew that they were both agents and was trying to turn them against each other. Thinking that by telling him that he would 'meet his enemy' and see Yuuri, he would turn against him. And that his Yuuri would do the same.

 _There was just one little flaw that the man didn't know was present._

Viktor sees his fiance come to a stop in front of him and raises his gun.

 _"Next time, give me a mission that demands a little more mettle."_


End file.
